The Practice of Everyday Life

#3) The one thing I learned the hard way was that none of my loved ones reacted they way I thought they would, so I immediately was more concerned with their thoughts and actions than my own healing process. I see this almost every time when counseling a survivor. The first thing I hear is, “What is my family (often spouse/partner) going to think?” or “how are they going to react?” My typical response is, “I know you are worried about their reactions BUT aren’t you more worried about your well being for you and your family?” Before you expend your energy on controlling someone else’s feelings (when ultimately you can’t) you should take that energy to heal yourself. Because you truly need to believe that you did nothing to lead up to the rape and know in your heart it wasn’t your fault. When YOU realize it doesn’t matter what you were wearing, where you were at or what you were doing, then it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks! The bottom line is you have to take care of yourself first before you can take care of anyone else!

#4) Surround yourself with the people who support you and distance yourself (at least temporarily) from those who don’t.

This is so true and so unnecessary. This was what held me back. 

Of all that I had to be proud of last night what I want to share with you, the girl that came to this site searching for something to help is this: Last night I held my own hand and thought about every night i slept in a pool of tears on the kitchen floor and every time my emotions left me calling out for support frantic and alone. I thought about all the night I sent painting dressers, canvas, walls, nails, desks, anything. The mornings I took a shower and left the house and the weeks I didn't. I thought of this entire long process and held my own hand through it all and thanked God for every inch of growth that came of it.